On my face, in my eyes and through my actions; what is me, is visible. Somewhere inside this body, I am sitting with all the controls. But somewhere there, is a clear line between what is my mind, what is my body and what is me. It is impossible for you to know who anybody is , unless you truly look, read and listen. Unless you truly, pay attention.
Like the man with the beard says in his latest Kundalini Live video about discipline, “You can know all the poses, and still be an idiot” This only happens when you are starting Yoga with an idea of this being a shallow practice. A body shaping practice. It is not. Yoga is supposed to help you catch yourself. Bring you down from you high, and balance you from your lows. When yoga has become a a natural part of your life, the highs and lows will not be to the extreme. The will level out and take new forms, because they turn to rational. Depression turns to stillness, and peace. Highs to excitement and joy. T You will learn, as a student through all of life, to always catch yourself. Be aware of what is going on in your body, in your mind. Be conscious of anger rising, staying objective to it. Act rationally, instead of reacting emotionally.
To meditate, with no physical effort is its own thing. But with yoga you are constantly communicating to your body that you are in charge, that behavior matters and I would call it as if you are brushing through feathers. Your feathers being your whole nervous system, tucked away beneath your skin. Through yoga, you are greeting your body as an entity that you are living within. Waking it up. Telling it that it is time to run. The running will happen inside, in your nervous system. In your blood stream. Because in yoga you are tensing, releasing and stretching your muscles. Cardio is not the only way to get your body truly going.
Once you have experience this, seen yourself as not your body, neither your mind – existence becomes very, very interesting. Your body is this friend with its own needs, that has been created for you. Your mind is your friend too, helping you do calculations and figure things out. You are the thing in between. The parent making sure neither of them gets what it wants all the time, since parents always knows, that one can not always have fun or only eat sweets. You are there to bring the balance. Give them both love and care. Take them for adventures. Remembering they might need things contradiction to each other. For example the mind is exhausted and does not want to think a single thought anymore, just sleep. Black out. The body though, needs to pee and eat. Push your mind another minuter, fix these two, then go to bed. The mind cant have a good night sleep, if the body is telling it for the upcoming 8 hours that it needs to pee. That it needs to eat.
Very simply put.
It was easier to let go of superficial body complexes once I realized that this body does not define me. It is separate from me. It has been given to me and I am should be grateful. Instead I am complaining like a total bitch about my hands being veiny. My small chest. My thin hair. My lack of eyelashes. Shame is what I felt instead, when realizing I am bashing on something beautiful because I have lost perspective. I have forgotten that it is in fact a living thing on its own, that I happen to be in charge of. In symbios with. Dependent on. And she on me.I am on this world together with this mind, and this body. I am never alone.
These are big thoughts. Very big thoughts. New thoughts. This specific thought is only about 3 months old for me.
But I remember being 11 ears old, one evening at home, thinking about infinity. Wondering how it is possible. “What do they even mean, universe never ends?” Somewhere there, I realized how fucking tiny I am. And how incredible it is that I am here. Me. Sanna as I go by here on Earth. But this very thing that makes me me, I started thinking about what it means with “I”. Where am I in this body? I am in control of it, yes. For sure. But If I cut off my arms, my legs, I am still here. So I am not my body, I am inside of it. But where?! What makes me, me?! This idea freaked me out. Puzzled me. Annoyed me, because nobody seemed to understand what I was talking about. Nobody had an answer. I freaked out my best friend too. Happy to share my first ever in life “Wooah duuude” moment, and have watch her go through the same thing. We got so spooked by this thought, especially when coming to the final question of the conversation. – How did we get inside these bodies?
And, from where? I wonder today.
Yoga does not have to have anything to do with any of this. But in pose, you get time to think. Either you think about that bitch who stole your sandwich at work. How to insult that idiot who humiliated you on the internet. How to prove to you friends that you have more money then them. OR, you can see yourself out of a way more interesting perspective. Think about the things that gives you energy rather then just drain your brain from all good things. Be objective to yourself. Read yourself. Analyze your behavior, not your mind. Your actions, not your thoughts. Question your actions. Have you done anything lately, that you wish never needed to happen? Congratulations, you have a heart. Be proud of that. Spend time with it.
For the whole “Pay attention” part, I have this one for you. Something I dig out when in need of redemption, rest, or comfort. I love this story of Siddhartha and I am completely in love with the young monk talking about anger, and how we all fail all the time since we are emotional beings. So we let our emotions decide our actions, causing us to act from the wrong place. Actions are driven by bad energy. He makes a point of that failing itself, is not really the problem. It is not what is causing the biggest of problems. But the never realizing the failure, is. Ignorance. If you hit your wife out of anger this is an absolute failure. You still have a chance to redeem yourself, if you are open to accepting the tough emotions of regret, even shame. Only then, can you become better. After accepting the idea of you being absolutely wrong. Being an absolute fool. Who needs to ask, even beg, for forgiveness, and may still not receive it. This is Buddhism. Honesty. Truth. The truth not layed down by others, no god. But yourself. For it to be surfaced, you need to pay attention. Slow down. Sit with yourself. None of this is possible, if your mind is always distracted with work, people, or entertainment. You need to stop everything, and just breath. Even if so, just for a few minutes. It will still provide you a chance, to catch yourself. And it is not easy. Because we fail all the time. And it is tough to feel like shit. But how else are you ever gonna grow? You need to fall to rise up again. This is the endless pattern of life. Of everything living. The life and death cycle. Add it as a metaphor to all your failures, and you will feel less overwhelmed whence you have fucked up again. It simply is a part of the process. It is the death of something. Maybe a relationship. A job. A chapter of your life. Do’nt let this eat you up. Life will be there again. Just in a new form. It always will.